This is a sleepless night, I’m sure it will…..

At 11.30pm, am reading on a magazine, thinking of going to bed after the reading soon, and the phone rang.

“hello”

“hello, I just received the phone call from our lawyer, he said we need to attend the court on 6 Feb, for our divorce.”

“oh.”

“do you want to go back with me this coming Chinese New Year? Or you want to go back to your mother’s house?”

“let me think first, I have no place to go, my sister will not be there for this new year; my mother didn’t know what happen here and I don’t want her to worry about me at her age of 70…”

“oh, then you want to come to my mother’s house?”

“let me think first….”

“ok”

“bye” …………………..

Finally, this is what I need to face, and this is what I do not like to face. I always ask myself, am I doing it right? do I really want my children living in a ‘broken family’? Am I really want to or need to raise my children as a single parent? Have we ever ask them if they are willing to? They have no choice on which family to born with, they have no choice when we decided to bring them to the world; and now they have no choice, but live in a single parent family and see their father go…… But what can I do, if he insist to go??

I do not know how is he thinking, as I only know sometime in last week, when we brought Dawn and Seer out for lunch, I teased him about his ignorance to Dawn and Seer when he said he did a lot for them, he then become unhappy and angry. If he really love them will he put them in such a bad situation? If he really love them will he ignore their question everytime when they ask him when will he coming home and stay with us everyday and so on? All I can see is ignorance and selfishness in him.

Love is action not words. Once heard someone said, the greatest thing we can do for our children is to improve ourselves, is to be a good parent, an example of how to succeed in love and marriage. And now I’m a failure.

Never think of my marriage will end with this ending. I thought we will live together until we are old; I thought we are strong enough to going through all the conflicts all the unhappiness and shall learn to become a better couple, and hold our hands until the last day……

I never knew…….