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A Note from the Universe
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HOW TO FORGIVE AND BE FORGIVEN
The closer you are to someone, the more likely you are to step on their toes. And being married to someone certainly puts you in close quarters. So the chances are good that you and your spouse have sore feet.
Okay, enough of the smelly metaphor. The point is that it's NORMAL for you and your spouse to err and for those "misses" to cause hurt…sometimes serious hurt.
Did your spouse hurt you? Have you made mistakes that hurt your spouse?
Hi. I’m Mort Fertel, author of Marriage Fitness.
Except in the case of physical abuse, you can "move on" from anything. In fact, your marriage can end up even BETTER!
I know…you're probably thinking, “Better? How could it be better than before we screwed up?”
It CAN be better, but you have to do one thing first. You have to forgive.
What does it REALLY mean to forgive?
Many people will say, “I forgive you,” but continue to harbor anger in their heart. Some people say the words, but it's obvious from their actions that things are still different.
Other people will say “I forgive you” but what they really mean is, “I don't want to talk about this. I can't deal with this. I'm turning you off.” And so the 3 magic words come out and form a wall that shuts out their spouse. True, they're not angry, but that's because they've shut down all emotion and refuse to reconnect.
Saying “I forgive you” is an entirely different ball game than truly forgiving.
Look carefully at the word “forgive.” It tells you what it means. “For-Give”…in other words, to GIVE as you did beFORE.
That's true forgiveness. When you GIVE of yourself like you did beFORE you were hurt, then you know you’ve forgiven. When you stand as close to your spouse as you stood the day your feet got stepped on—that's forgiveness.
That's not easy to do. But it is possible. You can forgive each other and move on. And once you forgive, you'll see that your marriage will be BETTER than it was before. You'll be happy that the mistake was made (in a strange way) because you'll realize that you would never have achieved the love you finally did without that mistake as your catalyst.
Did you know that when a broken bone heals, it's stronger than it was before it was broken? You too can be STRONGER than before things broke down between you and your spouse.
Did you ever make love after a big fight? Did you ever think after you made-up, “Hey, this is great? We should fight more often.” (Ha Ha) Sometimes the highest-highs follow the lowest-lows.
But you have to know how to reconcile. You have to know how to get to a place of sincere forgiveness.
If you want to achieve that and if you want to learn how to renew your marriage, then subscribe to my FREE breakthrough report "7 Secrets to a Stronger Marriage" and get a FREE marriage assessment too. To subscribe, CLICK HERE. It’s FREE.
Warm regards,
Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach
Save Your Marriage Secrets
One of the greatest lessons in life is the realization that the limit to your learning is endless. Old, young, wise, not so wise, all people have the opportunity to learn something new every day. You may or may not be aware of it, but over the course of a lifetime you learn more about how life works, how other people work, and even about yourself and how you interact with others. Life is continually calling us into learning, and this is especially applicable when it comes to human relationships.
One of the greatest relationships we are called into over the course of our life is marriage. This does not necessarily mean that it is the most important life relationship, but it is one whose success or failure has the greatest impact on your adult life. And in looking at marriage, there are a number of key skills that are crucial to navigating your way through marriage.
There will always be couples who live in apparent wedded bliss, and those that will tell you that they never fight or disagree. That simply isn't true. As each of us grow and evolve, we are called to learn different lessons in different ways, and one of the exciting things about marriages is the way we interact and negotiate our way around issues when we look at things from different perspectives. Those who tell you they have never been challenged in this way have never really lived. But what determines whether this challenge is a positive or negative experience for your marriage is how both of you choose to react to your differences and work around them.
When faced with a disagreement there are a range of choices. The first is to back down, allowing the other to make their point and express it. Another is to challenge their point and ascertain whether it is correct. Another choice is to discuss both options and see if there is room for flexibility. Are both of you correct, or is one of you incorrect in your viewpoint? How much is one person's viewpoint inhibiting the beliefs, values, or morals of the other?
The most important point here however, is introspection. Evaluate your actions and reactions.
The key is to understand the issues and to find small ways to move forward. You can call them goals. Make them achievable, and make them measurable. How often are you coming back and seeing if you have reached your goals? Are you making progress or are you at a stalemate?
The important thing to realize is that you are always learning, and finding new ways of understanding and loving each other as well as yourselves. Think of your marriage issues as an opportunity for growth and understanding.
The next step is to identify the lessons that you both must learn. In marriage we are called into a constant evolution, a journey of loving. The challenge to all marriages, good and bad, is to find new ways of loving each other. If you have been married one year, ten years or forty years, the challenge is still the same. Grow in love together.
What can you learn from your partner and your marriage today? What do you know today that you didn't know yesterday. The secret is to never stop learning. And when you do stop learning, that's where we can help.
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